i seem to think i am, or have always been, somewhat of a daredevil.
in sooooo many senses.
it is fact, though. not merely a fabrication of a mind that desires to be as free as it can.
so many aspects where i can fly by, through, push the limits... and it may hurt or caress, cause laughter or tears... i don't shy away. i like to go for it. i do, too much. people judge, i don't really care. i deal. it all becomes a part of me.
yet there's one where i have tried, succeeded and failed, yet not been able to handle the consequences of anything different than what i aimed for. and that's where i eventually still try to not give too much importance to pre-defined facts... but i know i shouldn't. 'cos i'll just throw all of myself into whatever it is all over again -- and not be able to sail through the consequences unharmed. it would become a part of me. but at too high a price.
it damn hurts to realise that there are some things that one just isn't made for.
i guess this is the most personal post in years to surface here. or, at least, the most understandable personal one. all of them are, but more cryptic. [more cryptic that THIS one, maybe??]
i guess i just needed to vent a little. frustration makes me want to scream.
and now i believe i'll try to sing. and envision steps to bail on that which i know will make me suffer too long, too hard and too many toos to risk not thinking about them.